Stockings and Airport Security

The trouble with stockings and airport security is that........

I happened to be travelling to England to visit friends.

Travelling is always quite a challenge since I am never certain if I will manage to keep my stockings free from ladders. I certainly did not manage it a week earlier when the train to Paris ripped one of them.

But this week it was England and I was to take the aeroplane.

After fussing with little plastic bags to put my 100 ml (150 ml is verboten, security measures) fluids in I proceeded to the security check.

Little bag with fluids in the tray, keys in tray, laptop in tray, money in tray. No metal left on my body, except for the set of throwing knives up my sleeves, but they don't really count...I thought.

The little porch bleeped and lit up.

Walk back...throwing knives on tray...fond look at throwing knives, they are such an elegant set....must be all right now.

No. It bleeped again!

"Please step forward, Miss." I was searched! I really could not imagine what would have made the thingy bleep again. Nothing was found so I was allowed to proceed.

I did not think of it again until my dear friend Miss Y. mentioned she too had been searched. Searched by the French, and they DID find something.

They found little metally lumps under her skirt. They found little lumps and could not imagine what they could be. Garter clips, my friend explained. One would expect the French to know what garter belts are, but apparently they don't.

The poor darling was told to lift her skirt so the French girl could see what she was hiding under it.

With that story in mind I arrived at London City Airport on my way home.

Little bag with fluids in the tray, keys in tray, laptop in tray, money in tray, throwing knives in tray...fond look at throwing knives, they really are an elegant set.

I walked through the porch and off it went. "Please step forward, Miss." I sighed and stepped forward. The English girl searched me and found the little lumps under my skirt.

She found them and stepped back. "Pleasant flight, Miss."

~ Armgard Freytag